I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize