lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
