so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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