Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
