when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
