uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
