just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The feeling are messing with the penis
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
