so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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