I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
