Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
