The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
