he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
