But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
