Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
