How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
