i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
