I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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