My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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