He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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