my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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