You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
