i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
