No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
