what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
