im having a threesome with these popsicles
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
