omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
