I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
