No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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