I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
