Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
