Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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