I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
