New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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