matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize