It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
