Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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