dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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