Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
