just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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