my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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