They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
