In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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