You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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