Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
