I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
