Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
