Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
