But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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