Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
