guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
