ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
