It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
