I hate all girls vehemently.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
