I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
