please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
