Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
