Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
