You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize