The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
