In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
