I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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