i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
