Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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