i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the day after is always just damage control
why do cheetos always look like penises
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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