This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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