I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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