he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
please come you make the beer taste better
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
