are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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