I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have aggressive nipples.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
