I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're breaking my sexual little heart
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize