new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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