Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
