when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
