My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
