Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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