Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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