i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
