I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
