So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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