$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
