o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
