I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
