a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
