Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You can't just leave with hair like that
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
