i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
