Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
