i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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