this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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