Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
