I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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