when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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