o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
