I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
