I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
