he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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