New low: just hacked my moms facebook
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
