I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
