i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize