And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
