Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I still have a little drunk in my system
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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