You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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