Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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