I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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