I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
