I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
