it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
