That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize