You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
