pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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