Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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