I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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