im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize