happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
