Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
